


The End of Days

by SidneySydney



Series: Each to Our Own [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Badass Lance, Blood and Violence, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Finding Identity - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Identity, Loss of Identity, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Unreliable Narrator, Violence, bad coping tactics, conflicted lance, identity and essence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-24 03:19:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14946611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SidneySydney/pseuds/SidneySydney
Summary: Lance is missing a vital piece of information about what lead to Shiro's demise. Keith's body won't cooperate. The team asks themselves the devastating value of truth.





	1. First Day

**Author's Note:**

> Back from the depths to finally deliver a starter for part 3. I probably let you all down, eh? But I'm back and more tired than ever.

Lance stared at Shiro's still form inside the Pod and felt it may as well have been a mirror. Shiro's face was drawn and the skin around his eyes red and crusty, as if he'd been rubbing at them continually with his hand – like he'd been trying to wipe something away. Isabelle's blood, Lance realised. The skin of Shiro's lips had also been bitten to shreds. Whatever was going on in Shiro's head, whatever trauma he was living over and over again, it was destroying his body, too. The Pod couldn't protect him forever.  

Lance could relate, to say the least. Hashtag mood, or whatever. 

It had been two weeks since the incident on Earth. No one talked about it. Lance suspected they were all too afraid even a passing comment would trigger some kind of emotional explosion. They were too pent up with undealth with trauma, Coran said. So not talking about it was all they could do for now. Allura said it was dangerous, but so was Voltron so  _as if_ that's breaking news. 

Shiro's finger twitched. His brows pinched. Another dream. Another nightmare. 

Lance lifted a wobbly hand to rest it on the cool plane of the Pod's door, watching the way it shimmered under his touch. "I'm sorry," he said. "Whatever is happening to you, I'm so sorry." Lance knew he was missing some vital piece of information that would explain Shiro's demise – knew it was hidden somewhere in his team, too. Floating. Another unspoken thing. Permeating. 

He raised his eyes to meet Shiro's lidded ones. "We'll figure it out."  

_BeepBeep._

Keith's voice in his ear. "Lance. Meeting, now." 

Lance nodded. "Coming." 

Worst of all – Keith was lying to Lance straight through his teeth. 

* * *

"We should formally address the people of Earth," Allura announced the moment Lance walked through the door. She was straight to the point like an arrow to its mark. It was somewhat relieving. 

Keith was backed up against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and a leg propped up behind him. He tracked Lance all the way from the doorway to the couch. By the dull look in his eyes, Keith suspected he'd returned from another visit to Shiro's Pod. He always returned from those chambers looking worse than when he entered. Keith didn't understand what he was searching for down there with Shiro, but knew better than to question it. Once Lance flopped down onto the couch, his back to Keith, he said, "I dunno if I'm as certain about this as you are, Allura, but I'm sure you have flawless reasoning as usual." 

Allura, addressing them all from the front like a teacher – Keith felt compelled to straighten his posture – shook her head. "Flawless might be giving me a bit too much credit. I'd call it sound. Or reasonable." 

Lance shrugged. "Sure." 

Allura scanned the room with clear eyes. "Right, the reason I believe we should address Earth now is to limit the risk of misinformation and panic after our situation. Really we've already left it far too late, however, we were in desperate need of a...break." 

"No kidding," Hunk snorted from opposite Lance. 

A pause. It was the closest any of them had come to discussing 'the thing' in a while. 

Pidge, beside Hunk, looked to Keith. "Well at least Keith's gradually looking less and less purple...and fury." 

Keith wove a hand into his hair, comforted by the feeling of only his scalp there instead of other appendages. "Yeah, the ears were kinda a overkill." 

"So freaky," agreed Pidge. 

"Totally weird," chimed Hunk. 

Allura nodded. "Agreed. We're glad you're feeling better, Keith. Now, to business." 

Business as usual. Keith swore he was listening; he nodded when necessary and hummed when addressed, but his attention was snared by the back of Lance's reedy shoulders. The more Allura penciled out a plan, the more those shoulders slumped back into the couch. Keith knew Lance's eyes would be locked onto his hands. He always looked at his hands when he was concentrating on reigning in his disagreement. And there was no way he was eager for this new mission. By the end of the discussion he'd slumped about as far into his seat as he could without sliding off. Allura glanced at Keith for a moment. 

And Lance caught it with the swiftness of a falcon's eye, head twisting from her to Keith in less than a second. His gaze was cutting. Keith's eyes fell to his shoes and Allura turned back to the rest of the room. "Dismissed."

Keith couldn't get out of there fast enough, feeling the air press against his skin and Lance's penetrating gaze on his face. He rushed past the couch, but not without quickly running his hand along Lance's shoulder, feeling the bones beneath, thin as a bird's. He didn't move, but Keith did hear a hiss of air from between his teeth. He didn't stop to catch Lance's expression – just got the hell out of there before he said something he shouldn't. 

He hated himself for lying to Lance. 

* * *

Later that evening, when the castle had begun it's sleep cycle – though it's inhabitants rarely ever slept – Lance heard the pained grunts from Keith's room and knew they were his cue. He always knew. They began the same time every night. When he slipped into Keith's room he dimmed the lights until only a thin haze of light touched the darkness. It hung like a fog as Lance moved through the room towards the bed, where the twisted form of the Black Paladin lay. Sweat plastered his shirt to his skin. 

"C'mon," Lance began. "You know the drill." 

Keith only held out a hand. In the midst of his writhing against the sheets he had lost the patch covering his right eye, leaving the haunting, empty socket bare for Lance to see. Pulling at the offered hand, Lance hauled up the other boy to lean against his shoulder and slowly made their way out of the room and down the hall towards the spas. He'd already filled up a tub before he went to bed, so slipping off Keith's shirt and pants and lowering him into the freezing water was quick work. Once he had Keith settled with his back against the edge, Lance hiked up the ends of his own pants and slipped his feet into the water, barricading Keith between his knees. He shivered at the icy water against his skin. 

Keith shook violently beneath him but his skin was hot to touch. Of course it was. It was always like this. Every night, the same painful ordeal when Keith's body decided it didn't know whether it was Galran or Human and fluctuated between the two. Most nights were spent much like this, some worse than others – Keith nestled between Lance's knees in icy water while his skin turned from white to purple and his single eye from yellow to white. His teeth, nails, head and entire body enduring countless hours of fucking  _indecision._ The chilly water helped ward off the heat that burned under Keith's skin during these changes. But it didn't ward off his suffering.   

Keith's groan echoed off the tiles in the room. Lance smoothed his hands through his hair, pulling it away from his sweaty forehead. "You've got this." 

Keith grunted in response, his eye fixed on Lance while his pale chest heaved beneath him. Lance watched the way his eye flickered between Galran and Human like a broken lightbulb, saw the purple and white of his skin battle their way across his cheeks and the drip of blood as his canines pierced and re-pierced his lip time and time again. 

Yeah, it was all pretty fucked, but it felt right to simply be by each other's side.

A few secrets and lies wouldn't stop Lance from giving a shit.  


	2. Bad Days

"Hey, Hunk," Lance started, kicking his friend's leg under the table. When Hunk looked up from the item he was tinkering with, Lance quirked his head to the side. "As my best friend you're automatically supposed to give it to me straight, right?"

Hunk's hands paused. "I guess." 

"So if I asked you something important you wouldn't bullshit things for me?" 

Hunk nodded, slowly. His headband was off this morning and it left his hair looking a little more shaggy. "Yep." 

Lance stretched across the table, his cheek falling against the surface while he kept his eyes focussed on Hunk. "Then I've got a very important question for you. It might change everything." 

Shifting in his seat, Hunk lowered his trinket and said, "Shoot." 

Lance took a deep breath. "Should I sleep with Keith?" 

Hunk's hands slammed against the table. "What?" 

"Should I – wait I know you heard me, you're just surprised." 

"A bit, yeah. What the hell, Lance? Where is this coming from suddenly?" 

Lance sighed and turned his nose into the table. Against it he said, "I take that as a no." 

"No, no," Hunk rushed to say. "I just don't get why this is suddenly the top of your priorities. Especially so soon after what happened." 

Lance's face twisted. "You mean so soon after my sister was murdered by that alien-fuckhead? You can call it what it is, Hunk. Don't be a—" 

"Pussy?" Hunk cut in sharply. 

"Sugar-coater. That's what I was going to say." When Hunk didn't respond, Lance drilled on. "It's been three weeks now. I'm tired of being sad. I just want to feel normal again." 

Lance heard Hunk's fingers drumming against the table and looked up at him. "And you think sleeping with Keith would make you feel better?" 

"No? Yes?" Lance dragged his hands over his face, stretching the skin beneath his eyes. "I dunno. Get it out of my system or something?" 

Hunk's brows lowered. "Hmm, I'd completely avoid describing it like that if I were you. Sounds nasty." 

"I still feel like you're leaning towards no," said Lance. 

"You want the truth?" 

"It is what I asked for, but I get the feeling I'm going to regret it." 

Hunk looked at Lance pointedly, his mouth a grim line across his face. "I think doing this is the worst thing you could do for either of you right now. It's called deflecting, and that's dangerous. You should figure out what's going on first." 

Lance nodded, though his heart sank a bit. He'd been half hoping Hunk would tell him to go for it and agree entirely with his reasoning, though he had very little of it. Lance had asked for this outcome from the beginning.

When he flopped back into his seat Hunk stood and walked around the table to pat him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, bud. You're allowed to feel this way. Just don't get rash " 

Lance nodded and pressed a hand over Hunk's; it was soft and warm against his palm. When Hunk slipped out of the room Lance shut his eyes and listened to the hum of the castle. It filled his ears and vibrated along his skin, making the hair on his arms stand up. Hunk's advice was sound. Flawless even. There were no plausible reasons to argue against it. 

Yet here Lance was still searching for one anyway. 

* * *

"Keith, may I talk with you for a moment?" Allura asked when she entered Keith's room. Her fists were clenched by her sides – a bad talk then, Keith guessed. 

He straightened up from folding his armour away beneath his bed. "Sure." He'd trained ruthlessly that morning to ward off the lingering ache in his muscles from last night's bodily ordeal. He didn't hurt any less after it, but at least now his muscles ached out of his own physical exhaustion. 

Allura leant against the wall by the door, keeping a wide distance between them, Keith noticed. Crossing her arms, she looked down at her feet. "We can't keep Shiro in the pod any longer. If he remains his body will soon begin to deteriorate. We didn't program it for long-term stasis." 

Keith's skin prickled. He knew this was coming, but was still no more prepared for it. "I know," he began. "I'm just worried about the inevitable fallout. Shiro won't be able to hide it from Lance; he's honour-bound to a fault. Always has been." 

"I can't blame him," Allura said. "I too desperately believe Lance deserves the truth, but the consequences of it may be too much to bare. It's so much easier for him to blame Lotor than his friend." 

"It'll kill Lance if he finds out." 

"But it'll kill Shiro to lie." 

Keith slammed the drawer shut. "Fuck. I hate this. I can't lose either of them." His head fell against the edge of the mattress. He breathed in air through his nose but it felt thin and left his head feeling light on his shoulders. When he heard Allura's feet padding towards him he didn't react; nor when he felt her hand against his shoulder. 

"Whatever happens, we must release Shiro tomorrow morning regardless, or we risk permanent damage to his body. What happens to Shiro from then on is up to you, Keith." Her hand squeezed. "Also, if Shiro can get himself in his right-mind again, I want to ask him to make our formal address to Earth with me. I believe it would be better received that way. Of course, any of you who wish to join are welcomed, but with Shiro's status on your planet—" 

"It makes sense," Keith finished for her. "That sounds fine to me. I'm not sure how up to it the others will feel though. Definitely don't bother asking Lance." 

Allura's hand disappeared from his shoulder, leaving in place a coldness, which spread down his spine and made him shiver.

"Right," Allura said. "Well I'll leave you be. Is there anything you might need to help with your...night-troubles?" 

He shook his head. "Lance has it covered." 

Allura's voice was by the door. "Okay. Have faith, Keith." The doors slammed shut behind her. 

She made a good point, but Keith had been finding it increasingly difficult these days to keep his faith in check. It slipped out of his hands easily as water.  

* * *

Lance groaned when his bayard flipped out of his hands and slapped against the floor once again. The staff rattled against the ground and then transformed back into its standard form. Lance was sweating through his shirt. He breathed hard against his ribs while glaring at the bayard on the floor. This would have to be about the fiftieth time he'd dropped it. Frustration was a sharp ball in his chest.  

His hands were useless, who was he kidding. 

But he simply swallowed against the lump in his throat and picked up his bayard again, watching it transform into the staff. When he'd been defending Pidge he'd been able to wield it, so he didn't understand why he couldn't now. What had changed? 

He tried the move again, a simple spin between his hands that Allura had taught him. He focussed on keeping his hands steady and slowly turned the staff in his hands, but when his right hand spasmed suddenly the staff slipped. He yelled when it hit him in the cheek and once again fell to the ground.  _Smack!_  

Blackness filled Lance's chest like oil. The blood rushed into his head and roared in his ears. He grunted, screwed his fist up and smacked it into the meat of his thigh, his breath releasing all at once when the pain blossomed. He fell to his knees and hit the spot again. And again, and again, and again, gritting his teeth while his fist rained down on himself. When he was done, his thigh throbbed and his eyes were damp. He swallowed and felt his throat burn. 

He'd been screaming, Lance realised.  

His hand fell to the ground. 

* * *

When Lance dunked Keith into the freezing bath that night – a little rougher than usual, Keith noticed – he didn't say a word. Not that many words were usually exchanged, but Lance always had some kind of reassurance to offer Keith during these nights. But he said none of those things tonight, only stared ahead with a flat expression. 

Keith, looking up and blinking through the pain, licked his dry lips and asked, "W – what's wrong?" 

Lance glanced at him for a moment, but quickly looked away again. "Nothing." 

"Bullshit." 

Lance's nose screwed up. "Drop it, Keith." 

Keith's hand came up to wrap underneath Lance's knee, squeezing. He felt the tendons there jerk beneath his palm. "Isabelle?" 

"No." 

"Shiro?" 

"Still no." 

"Your hands?" 

"Stop reading me," Lance hissed, still refusing to look at Keith. "Just focus on yourself." 

When Keith moved his hand further up the back of Lance's thigh, trying to snag his attention, he saw Lance flinch and hiss between his teeth. Keith frowned. "Are you hurt?" 

Lance shook his head. God, he was impossible; Keith wanted to smack him.  

Once Keith's body had ceased its drama for the night, Lance dried and dressed him in new pyjamas, which he always had ready, and lead Keith back to bed. It was about 3:30am castle-time, so Keith practically collapsed into bed, his limbs feeling like they were filled with sand. Surprisingly, Lance followed Keith down a second later. Even more surprising was when he pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Keith's mouth and then rolled so his back was to him. "Sorry for snapping at you."  

Keith stared up at the back of Lance's head, his mouth tingling. "It's fine," he reassured. When Lance didn't respond Keith cautiously reached out and touched his hair, running his fingers through it and dragging his nails along his scalp. Lance didn't move away, so he continued – while he still could. 

After tomorrow, he may never get to be this close to Lance again. 


	3. The Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith must face the moment he's been dreading most.

"Open it already." 

Allura shook her head from her place at the pod's controls. "Just a tick, Lance. You can't just pop him out of there, the pod has to go through its awakening processes first, otherwise it could harm Shiro."

Lance shifted on his feet and sighed, his arms flapping anxiously by his sides. "I know. I'm just – " He made a useless gesture with his hands. 

You and me both, Keith thought, eyes scanning the small space between Lance and Shiro, judging, anticipating what the next few minutes would hold. His heart felt jammed in the back of his throat; his pulse was in his ears. 

Pidge was next to Allura by the pod, watching the way her fingers flittered across the screen. She hadn't said a word since they all converged in the pod chambers. Though she didn't say much these days anyway. Keith suspected she was too busy dealing with the mess inside her head to speak much. She always had a crease between her brows now, as if she were in a constant state of uncertainty. Hunk usually stayed by her side and kept her health in check. Hunk was now beside Lance, – his rightful place – hand resting on his friend's shoulder. Keith looked away. 

His head throbbed. They were all feeling too much right now, so many different things: apprehension, dread, fear, some excitement, some relief. So many emotions – they spilled out between them all. The fancy new 'Voltron Link' binding them all in a tightly knit circle of emotion. Keith wasn't sure where his feelings began and where the others' ended. 

"Right," Allura announced. She looked up to Coran on her other side. "It's time." 

They looked up in unison to Shiro's unconscious face. There was a rush of air as the barrier disintegrated, and then a plume of fog. Keith held his breath. Shiro didn't move right away, but Keith saw the way his left hand released from its clench. He dashed forwards the moment Shiro began to tilt forwards, catching him by the shoulder and then slowly easing him out. Shiro's head fell against his collarbone and Keith began ushering some words of comfort. Suddenly though, Shiro stiffened against him.

Keith knew what he was looking at. 

Shiro's voice was hoarse. "Lance." 

Keith craned his neck to look at Lance, who stared wide eyed at Shiro. He looked as though he'd gone to take a step forward, but judging by the white knuckled grip Hunk had on his shoulder, he'd been stopped. His mouth opened, closed, and then opened again. "Shiro – hey. How are you feeling?" 

Keith stumbled when Shiro tried to take another step forward. "Wait, Shiro," he said, bracing himself to push back against the other Paladin's mass. Where Shiro was pressed up against him had turned icy from the pod, and Keith could see a light dusting of frost in his hair. 

"Lance," repeated Shiro, breathing hard. "I – "  

Coran stepped gracefully in front of him, holding out a hand. "Shiro, lad. You might want to sit first before you do anything. I've got some of my famous Paladin food here for you to energise yourself again." 

"Ah, ha-ha, thanks, Coran. But no," Hunk said, stepping up to the Altean. "How about we try my cooking instead? Sound good, Shiro?" 

Coran looked away with a pout. "Well, if you insist." 

"Wait, no – " Shiro started. 

"Relax yourself," intersected Allura, who came up and settled a hand on Shiro's shoulder, the side where his prosthetic was missing. "Keith will help you to the dining room." Over Shiro's head, she gave Keith a stern look. 

"Right," Keith said. "Let's go." 

* * *

Keith had a peculiar sense of deja vu of Lance's first time in the healing pod while he watched Shiro eat his food tenaciously at the table. The team flanked him, eyes all a different degree of concern as they watched the spoon repeatedly make its short journey from bowl to mouth. His left hand being his non-dominant one, meant that the process was particularly wobbly. 

Watching closer than everyone was Lance, sitting on the table a few feet away. The narrowness of his gaze sent fear swimming through Keith's veins. He wanted to take Lance and lock him in a closest far away and then do the same to Shiro. But of course he couldn't – that'd be too easy. Instead, Keith shuffled up behind Lance, as close as he could without touching, praying for a miracle. 

"Shiro," Lance started, then cleared his throat. Keith could practically see the way he tried to work up the courage to say what was next. "Shiro, I want to ask you something." 

Keith felt the room swell with apprehension. He noticed Pidge had already slipped out at some point, too. 

Shiro nodded, eyes fixed on his bowl. "I know." 

Lance's voice didn't waver this time. "What really happened to my sister? I don't think I have the full story." 

Shiro's body shuddered and he closed his eyes. A few moments later he looked up at Keith. "First, everyone else must leave. This isn't a request." 

" _Shiro_ ," Keith began, but Lance turned and gave him a cutting look. Grimness gripped his body, turning his blood cold, but he resigned himself to Shiro's order and nodded. Lance's face softened slightly, and while he still had the chance, Keith brushed the back of his fingers over Lance's cheek while he turned to leave. It felt terribly like a goodbye. 

When the dining room doors shut behind him, Keith slid down the wall and hunched over his knees. Together, Hunk and Pidge joined him, one on either side. Hunk put a hand on his knee while Pidge tipped her head on his shoulder. 

He stared at the door. "I'm gonna lose one of them. Maybe even both." 

Pidge nodded. "Probably."  

"We shouldn't have lied to Lance," Hunk said, his voice shaking. "We just prolonged the inevitable. Now he'll hate us as well as Shiro." 

Pidge shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe this way Lance will react with anger instead."  

Hunk laughed bitterly. "And that's a good thing?" 

"It's always easier to hate, Hunk." 

Hunk looked away, eyebrows pinched. "Easier for them maybe." 

"And I just got Lance to kinda like me," Keith added. "I'm not ready for him to hate me again." 

"He never hated you," Hunk said. 

Pidge sighed. "You'd know if he hated you."

Keith's head pounded and his eyes felt damp and hot. "Guess I'll find out." 

* * *

An entire hour had passed and Lance and Shiro still hadn't left the dining room. Eventually Hunk and Pidge had yanked Keith away from his spot in favour of hitting up the Green Lion's hanger. "I wanna upgrade some of my girl's defences."  

Looking around, Keith noticed there was a distinct lack of computers, monitors and screens around – a very unPidge-like setup. When Pidge had disappeared inside her Lion for a moment Keith asked Hunk what was up with that. Hunk had given him a hollow look. "Screens scare her now. She's scared she might see something – like before." 

Hunk's words had prompted unwanted memories, so Keith started to occupy himself with washing the grime off Green. While he worked, his arms aching from the motions, thoughts of Lance and Shiro permeated his head – an endless stream of worst case scenarios sending his heart-rate farther and farther up. He imagined Lance lunging at Shiro; Lance falling to the ground; Lance's cry echoing through the castle; Lance's betrayed heart turning on the rest of them; Lance leaving; Lance's back. It always came back to that – Lance's slim shoulders stalking the other direction. 

What if Lance decided to leave? 

What if Shiro did? 

What if they both did?

"Keith." His arms scrubbed harder at the green surface. There was a particularly stubborn spot of dirt that refused to budge, like it had been welded there purely to piss Keith off. The burn in his upper-arms made him more frustrated, so he scrubbed even harder. _"Keith."_ Why wouldn't it budge? It was just dirt. What the fuck? He scrubbed harder and harder, using his entire body. What. The. FUCK? "Keith!"  

 _"What?"_ he roared down to Hunk, and then, just because he could, slammed his fist into the useless spot of shit. The sound of the metal giving way rang through the hanger. He breathed hard against the weight in his chest. Dampness began to spread inside his fist. 

"Keith, what the _hell_?" Pidge's voice from above him. "Did you dent my Lion?" Keith pulled his hand back, watching a thin tendril of blood run down his forearm, and then looked up at Pidge. She jerked back when their eyes met. "Woah, you're eyes have gone all Galra. You good?" 

He drew in a shuddering breath and lowered his hand. "I'm leaving." He leapt off the platform and sped his way past a gobsmacked Hunk and out the door. 

He needed to move to prevent all the energy swimming through his veins from balling up, but the thought of training made him feel sick; so he paced the long, sprawling corridors of the castle. Past the dining room, where the doors were still shut, past the lounge room, the kitchen and the dormitories, through the cryo-pod chambers and down into the brig. He wandered there for a long while, remembering the time they'd locked up Sendak here and tracking the huge columns that lined the hall. The ceiling was so high here that he couldn't see it past the encroaching darkness. 

By the time he made it to the airlocks well over two hours had passed. When he glanced into one he felt the blood drain from his body. 

Lance. He sat inside the airlock, knees pulled to his chest and his back to Keith. He was without his jacket, so Keith could see the bumps and curve of his shoulders. He was just...sitting. Thankfully the airlock wasn't activated this time. Inside it though, Lance looked so small – fragile like a bird. 

Keith swallowed against the stickiness in his throat and walked to the door. His hand paused over the control panel. He looked up at Lance again; though he was hunched and small looking, his shoulders were steady, not shuddering. So he wasn't crying – Keith didn't know if that was good or not.

He hit the open button. 

Lance didn't turn around when the doors slammed open, nor did he react at all. He held perfectly still. 

"Lance," Keith began. The air felt thick in his lungs. "What are you doing here?" When Lance didn't say anything, Keith edged to his side then slid down until he was sitting. He kept his eyes fixed on the window, as Lance was doing. 

He heard Lance suck in a breath – felt the need to brace. "I thought I wanted to end it all for a second," he started. His voice sounded raw. "I thought I'd come in here and blow myself out the airlock like I almost did last time. But I got here and realised that I couldn't. I'm too scared to die; I don't want it to hurt." Keith reigned in the need to look at Lance. He'd likely stop taking if Keith's eyes were on him. "I'm a coward." 

"I – " But Keith had no words. 

"Shiro killed her. You knew and I guess the others do, too." Keith caught the way Lance's hands twisted together, shaking worse than ever. "I knew you were hiding something from me." 

Keith couldn't stop himself from glancing at Lance this time. There were old tear tracks down his cheeks and his eyes were red and swollen. It was a grim realisation for Keith when he no longer felt his heart squeeze at the sight. This look wasn't new for Lance anymore. It was a constant state for them all.

He looked back to the window when Lance caught his eye. "We wanted to tell you. But – " 

"You guys were protecting me." 

"We thought we were." 

"I hate that you lied to me. I hate it." 

Keith's head fell between his knees. "I know." 

A pause. "But more than anything, I hate that you thought I'd make you choose between me and Shiro. I hate that you think I'm that selfish. I hate that Lotor got in your head like that." When Lance paused again, Keith held his breath until he spoke. "I'm mad at you, but I understand why you didn't tell me. I'm unsure of Shiro, though I know it wasn't his fault. I don't want to hate him for it. I said this to Hunk yesterday, but I just want to be normal again. I'm tired of being sad. So I'm starting by doing this." 

"This?" Keith echoed, looking up at Lance again. He was surprised to see the beginnings of a smile in the corner of his mouth. 

"Us," Lance said.  

"Us?" 

"You said you wanted this and I rejected you. But you pushed so fucking hard, made me want to slap you half the time. But still. You fought tooth and nail – " Lance tapered off, eyes wandering to the window again. "For _me_. Usually I'm the one doing the chasing." 

Keith couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd never expected this kind of outcome. "Lance are you – " 

"This feels good. _We_ feel good. I don't get it. But life's short, maybe even shorter for us. My sister died before she ever got to go on a proper date. So fuck it." 

"Fuck it," Keith echoed. 

"Life is bullshit. Might as well enjoy it." 

Keith gripped Lance's shoulder and looked at him sternly. "Lance, are you sure you're feeling okay? This – this is not what I was expecting at all."

Lance's head flopped back lazily, still looking out the window. His eyes shone from the light of a nearby solar-system and his lips were still hitched up in the corners. "I know right? I'm sooo unpredictable." When Keith's mouth twisted, he added. "But I'm sure. Super duper." 

Keith leaned back, removing his hand from Lance's shoulder and looking back out the window. His head was ringing. "Alright then." 

"Alright." A pause. Then, "Hey, Keith, you know what I could do with right now, seeing as this is now official?" 

Keith hummed, nodding. 

Lance snorted and shook his head, though Keith suspected it wasn't in any kind of amusement. "Can I – Jesus this is a weird thing to ask – can I have a hug?" 

"A hug?" 

Lance shrugged and looked the opposite direction. "Just, like, sad and stuff, ya know?" 

Keith had already leant over to skim an arm over Lance's shoulders, drawing him in close. Once sitting snugly against Keith's side, Lance sniffled and then rubbed at his nose, turning it red and irritated. He still had his face turned away so Keith tilted forwards and nudged his nose into Lance's hair. There, he kissed Lance's temple. His heart tripped when Lance reciprocated by clinging to Keith's hand over his shoulder. 

Lance cried for a while. It was all very contained – Keith grew concerned when Lance started making choking noises, as if he were swallowing everything down – and was over within fifteen minutes. Keith just stayed close, even when he felt the tell-tale tingle beneath his skin that warned of a looming biology breakdown. The silence felt good; all he could hear was the sound of their breathing and the whirr of the engines around them. 

It felt like – 

 _At last._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters/story belongs to Dreamworks. 
> 
> You may notice my grammar symbols etc. have been changing. I've done a semester of writing and have been learning different styles and rules. Yay! 
> 
> Also adverbs are your enemy. Beware of those stanky bitches.


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